I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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