I wanna bring you to show and tell
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The air was thick with penises
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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