Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
