you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
