a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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