you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
