Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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