I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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