I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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