Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
