he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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