In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
