he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
