Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
