thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
