We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
