I hate all girls vehemently.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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