It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
