I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
