My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
