I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
