My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
