areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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