Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
