Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
