So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
