The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
