I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
