she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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