I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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