I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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