Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
