I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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