Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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