I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
