Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize