the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize