they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off