Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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