WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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