First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
