So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
