Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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