dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
