I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
