Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
