remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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