when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
