Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
