This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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