I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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