so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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