dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
