im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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