Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
