Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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