Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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