Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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