Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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