just survived the first fart of the relationship.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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