The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize