Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize