fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
