no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
