If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
