Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
